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ABOUT DONNY- IN A NUTSHELL.
Donny began as a fictionalized and satirical version of myself. The stories I wrote were about outrageous and realistic situations handled in unrealistic ways with a dark sense of humor. However, the name Donny has caught on like an STD, and now it’s stuck with me. One day when I get the time I’ll go back and delineate whats totally true and what’s not, but for now, just enjoy funny stories that you can relate to on some level. I was born Daniel Peter Maher accidentally in Queens, New York to Irish and Colombian Catholic immigrants. My strict Roman Catholic-altar-boy upbringing set me up for an unconventional life of deviance, discipline, sex, violence, parties, adventure, and service to others.
It’s a weird combo, I know.
After many years spent as a shy, timid, insecure, easily-bullied, nerd; I grew into the narcissistic, outgoing, overconfident, revengeful, violent, egotistical, lovable nerd that I am today.
On paper, my life looks like an actors career, so with that notion I’ll summarize the phases of my life with short character bios.
-Catholic altar boy in New York city.
-Nerdy, horny, goofy kid in North Carolina, who was frequently bullied by the poor black kids he was trying to fit in with.
-Nerdy, horny, goofy kid in San Diego who was frequently bullied by the rich white kids he was trying to fit in with.
-High School Football benchwarmer.
-High School Football 3 way-starter, on JV.
-Horny, scrappy, revengeful, high school rebel without a clue.
-Hyper college freshman at San Diego State with the worst acne you’ve ever seen.
-Twice voted, Sigma Nu Fraternity president, who was ultimately fired by higher powers.
-Volunteer High School Basketball Coach, with a losing record. (I loved those kids though)
-Superhero children’s birthday party host (I dressed up as Superman, Batman, Spiderman, good times).
-Camp Counselor who was slightly less mature than his kids.
-Inner City Substitute Teacher, who tried to do good but got burnt out by the little f!ckers he was there to teach.
-Manager of Event Security for fraternities and sororities, who treated the job like a joke, and frequently got so drunk he had to be carried out by his team from the events he was managing.
-Male Stripper for bachelorette and birthday parties. (I only did it 3 times, but they were great times. Who knows, I might come out of retirement one day…)
-Personal Trainer. (Great job, great clients)
-Marathoner, IronMan, and Xterra triathlete (Usually in last place)
-Event Planner (That’s me being humble. I rented out large venues and threw epic, raging parties for my friends that are still talked about)
-Marine Infantry Officer for almost 6 years, deployed to Asia and Afghanistan, awarded in combat with “V.” (That award was a total fluke)
-Medically Retired Marine Captain. (How I made Captain I have no idea, but being retired wasn’t surprising, I’m a big p#ssy)
-Model. (Body, not face, let’s be real here)
-World traveler (Does 20 countries rate world traveler status?)
-Orphanage Volunteer in East Africa. (I never thought I’d want to adopt a black baby from Africa, but after volunteering there, I do)
-Mountaineer and adventure sport chaser (I climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, and I’m gonna get all 7 summits, want to join?)
– Founder and President of O’Malley Entertainment, LLC, a production and publishing company that creates entertainment (books, graphic novels, films, shows, and music) with a positive message.
– Founder and President of Irreverent Warriors Inc, a veteran non-profit that uses humor and camaraderie to prevent veteran suicide. (This was a no-brainer)
-Founder and President of Veteran Television, LLC, an internet streamed television network. Put simply, the Netflix of the post 9/11 veteran community- full of highly offensive and irreverent TV shows that finish with a positive message for the veteran community.
– Creator of the Donny O’Malley YouTube Channel and the hit series, “Valhalla Fairytales.”
-Grandma’s Boy (Yes, I take care of and live with my Grandma in a senior citizen community, I’m 31)
I am proudly ashamed to say that I undo years of good deeds with one party. My parties have been responsible for more unwanted pregnancies, relationship breakups, divorces, arrests, broken noses, born-again-Christians, and lawsuits than Jerry Springer can fit into 3 seasons; and yet my friends and family can’t get enough of them.
I believe that mean people need to be punched in the face, killing bad people is the same as saving good people, and that being nice to people is everyone’s duty. I encourage all nice people to beat up an asshole or a bully at least once in their life. It’s like chicken soup for the soul.
I love sticking up for people with disabilities, victims of bullying, victims of domestic and sexual abuse, gay men who are afraid to come out (I have gay cousins and they hid for years), obese and insecure women, and minorities who get discriminated. (I am half-a-spic and am frequently the victim of minority discrimination) I enjoy doing this because I know how good I felt when someone else stuck up for me back when I was a little pussy. (I’m still a pussy)
I have reformed my old ways when it’s convenient for me, and I have now dedicated my life to taking care of my grandma, entertaining veterans, and writing funny stories about all the awesome, shameful, lustful, revengeful, violent, terrible, and wonderful things I’ve done.
Looking Ahead to the future
I will continue to create quality entertainment using inappropriate, politically-incorrect, self-deprecating, and irreverent humor to bring light to important subjects and influence the world in a positive way. I’ll get the world’s attention with the already proven methods of entertainment- sex, drugs, violence, war, and humor- and then I’ll use that attention to bring light to serious sh!t.
My goal is to travel to USO’s all over the world-and to the front line of any American conflict- and entertain the troops in between missions and battles. I want to be the next Bob Hope, but better, because I once stood in the boots of a bloodthirsty grunt.
All throughout my sick, demented, and psychotic jokes is an important message.
As combat vets, we must take care of each other. We must reach out, we must get together, and we must continue the brotherhood, or guys are gonna keep blowing their fucking brains out at the sustained rate of greater than 22 a day.
It’s not hard, all we have to do is get together….Let’s start with laughter.
Oh BTW- If I ever catch anyone making fun of someone with a disability or an amputation I will hospitalize them, get away with it, and then write a dark comedy about the way they squealed as they begged me to stop smashing their face.
It’s really simple guys, I just want everybody to be nice to each other and have a good time. Is that too much to ask?
Getting arrested and breaking my hands because of bullies and a$$holes is getting really old. Enough is enough guys, just be cool…