After being medically retired from the Marines I finally figured what I’m going to do with my life.
First order of business was to tell my dad.
I told my dad that I’m not gonna be a cop, teacher, doctor, nor lawyer. I told him I’m not gonna take a job in some big government contractor, and that as a matter of fact, I’m not gonna work for anyone else, because I usually end up telling my boss that he’s either WRONG or lazy, and that just doesn’t help me hold down a job.
I said proudly, “dad, I’m gonna be a writer, comedian, and entertainer for the rest of my life.”
He said, “son, are you gay?”
“Dad,” I said with a disappointed look on my face, “how many girls have you walked in on me plowing?”
“Good point,” he said as he paused and looked at the ground. He looked back up at me and said, “well if you’re gonna pursue this bullshit, you better make a lot of fucking money. No son of mine is gonna be some starving fucking artist.”
I said, “roger that, sir!”
And six months later, my first book about jerking off, combat, killing, gay chicken, and Taliban bloodlust is a bestseller!
This section outlines all of the books that I will be publishing in the next few years. You can expect them all to be the most horribly honest accounts of an American kid’s life. (I’ll always be a kid)
You can expect me to make a joke out of some pretty serious shit, you can expect to hear my terrible thoughts as I experience things, you can expect me to try to fuck anything with a willing hole, you can expect me to crack mean guys and bullies in the face, and you can expect me to do wild shit that you’ve only seen in movies, (Like jam cocaine up a passed out guys nose so that my party doesn’t get shut down, put 4 douchebags at a party in the hospital, or convince a Taliban idiot to go into a building that I was dropping a bomb on) and get away with it.
After all this, the only reason I’m still alive is because God couldn’t let me die before I told my stories.
Here are my book series, in the order of when I expect to publish them. There will be several books in each series, organized by the time period of my life.
For more accurate updates follow my blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!