Deep beneath the surface of the most badass, confident, and stoic men in the world, lies a big sopping pussy.
Men don’t talk about the soft side, women will only talk about their boyfriend’s soft sides with their closest girlfriends (in a whisper), and the few men who do talk about their soft side, are labeled “pussies” forever.
I’m gonna stop the bullshit right now.
Everything that I write is intended to be the most raw and honest thing my audience has ever read. I enjoy throwing reality in the face of my readers without sugar or salt. (Maybe pepper) Everything I write is to entertain, and on occasion, deep between the lines of my stories lie messages that require an IQ above 85 to decipher. (Sorry if you don’t get it)
This section is no different than any other, in principle. I want to expose who I am, what I think, and how I feel, in the same raw, humorous, and inappropriate manner that has earned me dozens of lifelong friends over the last 19 years, and hundreds of readers over the last 3 months.
If all I ever wrote about were brutally honest stories of killing Taliban, jerking off, beating people up, and having sex, I would STILL be full of shit, because there’s more to me than that. In addition to being violent, funny, horny, and disgusting, I am also incredibly romantic, pussy, and mushy.
Imagine a woman in a hotel room waiting for Brad Pitt show up in the middle of the night to make love to her. Imagine the Louisiana-like-swamp that is her crotch as Brad walks into the hotel room with his shirt off.
Her sopping pussy is pretty much me while I’m in a relationship, and for a few months after the relationship. It’s beyond pathetic. I know.
I just gotta keep it real with you.
I’ll bet a lot of money that every man who reads this will say, “yeah, I uh, I guess I’m uh, well, uhhh, I’m pretty much the same way……”
Yeah, I know you are bro. I know.
These are actual letters that were written to my ex girlfriends both during and after the relationship. Most of them were sent, but some have been sitting on my hard drive for years. Some are funny, some aren’t.
As usual with my writing, I won’t use real names, places, nor dates, so don’t bother trying to look up my ex’s. Just assume they are magnificent unicorns that have vanished to The Shire.
BASED ON ALL THE SOPPY LOVE LETTERS I’VE WRITTEN OVER THE YEARS, BOTH DURING THE RELATIONSHIP AND AFTER, I’D GUESS I’LL BE ABLE TO PUBLISH ABOUT 57 BOOKS IN THIS SERIES. THE LIST OF STORIES WILL GROW QUICKLY.
FELLAS, FEEL FREE TO COPY AND PASTE TO YOUR GF’S. I GOT YOU.
LADIES, FEEL FREE TO FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE OTHER HORRIBLE SHIT I WRITE.
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