Big fucking dick
“fuck man, that’s the biggest fuckin dick I’ve ever seen in my life, and not to sound gay or anything, but I’ve seen a lot of big dicks…... I just couldn’t stop staring man. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
Big Fucking Dick
I was a brand new Second Lieutenant, training with Lima Company at the famous Mountain Warfare Training Center in Bridgeport, California. Every Infantry unit and spec ops unit in the Department of Defense had to go there before deploying to Afghanistan. The Center was a mecca for anyone who enjoyed training for war, and a big playground for anyone who enjoyed being in the mountains.
We spent the prior two weeks living in the field, learning how to survive in the mountains, how to fight in the mountains, and hiking until our backs and feet begged us to stop. Every training operation, every hike through the mountains, and every night when I got into my sleeping bag under the stars, I was excited like a little kid. All day every day, I smiled knowing that the U.S. gov’t was paying me to go camping, hiking, and play with guns. Well, except for the day I was fired and then rehired, that day sucked, but I’ll save that story for another day.
This story is about the day that every Marine in Lima Company learned that there was an undercover Mandingo midget warrior living amongst us…
First day back in the barracks after 2 weeks in the field….
Two weeks in the field makes a Marine smell the way a Marine was intended to smell, which is the same way a pig smells in its natural habitat. By the time we collapsed at the barracks at the end of our final 10 mile hike, we were all aching to shower the filth off of our bodies.
The first thing we did upon returning from the field was clean our weapons. This was standard. The second thing we did was clean our gear. Standard. The third thing we did was clean our filthy, disgusting bodies.
Weapon, Gear. Self.
Since just about everyone finished cleaning their shit at around the same time, the showers became a crowded place. Guys ran to the showers to soak in hot water for as long as they could. Each squad bay bustled with Marines stripping down to their underwear and flip flops, grabbing their loofas, bars of soap, shampoo bottles, and then running to the showers while laughing about how good it was going to feel.
The comments amongst Marines headed to the showers was hysterical.
Marine 1- “I don’t give a fuck if it’s weird, I’m throwin a beat in the shower. That’s just the way I shower bro.”
Marine 2- “You won’t do it.”
Marine 1- “Watch me mutherfucker”
Marine 3- “Samberg you got my back, right bro?”
Marine 4- “Yeah baby, I’ll get the front too”
Marine 5- “Don’t drop the soap faggots!”
Marine 6- "OOps, I dropped the soap!"
I laughed with another Lieutenant as I waited for some of the commotion to die down before I took my shower.
When I finally walked into the bathroom I felt the steam and humidity shower me before I ever got under the water. The entire bathroom might as well have been a steam room.
I put my towel and my fresh pair of underwear down on the bench just outside the showers as I waited for one of the showers to open up. I kept my eyes on the ground, just to make sure things didn’t get weird, it didn’t work.
Had it been a shower full of Lieutenants, I would have been cracking jokes and smacking asses, because I was, and still am, an adolescent boy. But since I was being paid by the US government to pretend like I was an Officer and a gentleman, I had no business doing my typical childish shit around the enlisted Marines. So I kept my head down and avoided any sort of interaction with every one of the 16 other Marines in the showers.
A few minutes later a Marine left the showers and one of the shower heads opened up. My eyes left the ground and searched for the open shower head. On the way from the ground to the shower, my eyes passed something out of the ordinary, but I couldn’t identify it. As I began walking towards the open shower head my eyes went from the showerhead, back down to the general area of the thing that had caught my eye. I searched for a moment, then locked onto it and didn’t move my gaze for a full 2 seconds. Right at the end of the first second I realized what had caught my eye. It was the biggest fucking dick I had ever seen in my life, and I’ve watched a lot of hardcore porn. Making this sight more extraordinary, was the Marine that the dick belonged to, Gargonzola. He was the tiniest Marine in the entire Battalion, and possibly the entire Marine Corps. He was barely 5 feet tall, and could not have been more than 95 pounds sopping wet, with 15 of those pounds belonging to his big fucking dick.
I felt genuinely afraid for my own safety being in the same room with his anaconda cock. The worst part was that Gargonzola and his big fucking dick were using the shower right next to the open shower that I was walking towards. I forced my eyes to the ground in a terrible state of confusion and despair as I walked to the shower head. My eyes didn’t come off the ground until I almost bumped into another Marine who was leaving the showers. I looked up for a quick second to make sure I didn’t make any unnecessary shower contact, and was punched in the eye by the sight of the giant one eyed snake.
This thing was about as wide as my wrist and so long it hung to his knees. It looked the size of a 750 ml bottle of vodka.
I lost control of my jaw and it fell open so quickly it almost dislocated. I felt like I was in a trance for a quick second. As soon as I woke up from my trance I immediately looked away and shut my eyes, wishing I didn’t see it. I tried to put it out of mind, but the image of his big fucking dick was burned into my retina and would not go away. I squeezed my eyes harder hoping I could kill the image. No dice. I was both weakened and inspired. Mesmerized and confused. Intrigued and disgusted.
It was fucking weird.
I got to my shower head and turned my back on the giant penis, hoping to never see it again. I looked down at my dick and never felt so insecure in my entire life. It was warm in the showers so the heat and steam had my dick hanging pretty low and looking pretty full, but next to that Clydesdale horse cock, it looked like a newborn baby dick.
I scrubbed my hair extra hard, out of pure frustration with my genetic misfortune and whimpered to myself. I opened my eyes again and noticed that every other Marine in the shower looked exactly like I did at that moment. They were all sneaking peaks at the giant dick every few seconds. All the guys would slowly turn their heads in the direction of the giant penis, they’d turn their bodies to make it less obvious, they would make eye contact with the penis, their eyebrows would raise, and they would turn around quickly with a look of shame, anger, and disappointment. I swore I wouldn’t be like them. I was a straight man, an Officer, and a gentleman. There was no way in hell I was going to intentionally look at another man’s dick in the shower. I started thinking about football, but I looked down the field and the goalpost was a penis. I started thinking about surfing, but my surfboard was in the shape of a penis. I started thinking about combat, but then Gargonzola’s dick turned into a machine gun and started mowing down Taliban. At this point I felt like the biggest fucking homo in the world, and I started to question all of my own thoughts. I considered taking another look at it, just to be SURE I wasn’t imagining things. Then I thought “No, that’s too gay. I’m not gonna purposely check out another guys dick. No.”
But then something came over me; I felt myself turning around slowly, and I couldn’t stop. I lost control of my head, and I felt it moving in the direction of the giant penis. I tried to fight it, but my body just kept on moving. I finally gave in and allowed myself a quick look, and justified it by telling myself “Just one, quick, not-gay-look to make sure its real”
I looked down and made direct eye contact with the monster cock.
I cried a little, then I knew I had to get the fuck outta there.
I scrubbed my hair harder and faster in an attempt to get out as soon as possible. I was turned around, facing the bench that my towel and underwear were on. I saw my buddy Nick Garret walk by the bench as he was looking for an open shower. I looked right at him, hoping he would see the huge dick so I could see his gay reaction, and ultimately feel less gay. He looked to his left, which was in my direction, he glanced around at the shower heads to see if any of them were open. As his eyes went from the shower heads back down to the floor, something caught his eye. His face expressed confusion for a second as his eyes searched for something that didn’t seem right. His eyes locked on to that something, and his lower jaw fell 6 feet and broke on the bathroom tile. His lips shifted into an “O” face and his eyes opened so wide I thought they were going to pop out of his head. He froze, towel in hand, for a good 4 seconds. The look on his face was like Indiana Jones finding the holy grail.
He broke out of his trance and looked away, his body language and his face indicated that he was very ashamed of himself. I couldn’t wait to talk to him.
I got out of the shower and walked back to my rack, which was at the back of the squad bay. As I walked down the middle isle of the squad bay, it seemed as if every single Marine in there was talking about Gargonzola’s big fucking dick. Literally, everyone. From the privates to the Officers. The first thing I heard, after taking two steps into the squad bay was,
“Did you see that fucking thing bro?” followed by, “That shit was fucking phenomenal”
This immediately made me feel less gay. But the conversation didn’t stop there. In my squad bay was Weapons Platoon, which consisted of 13 Machine Gunners, 13 Mortarmen, and 13 Assaultmen who did demolitions and shot the rocket launcher. They were, and usually are, the most colorful and entertaining platoon in a rifle Company. Everything involving them turns into comedy, but this day’s comedy was over the top. The conversation about the huge cock began between bunkmates, then between guys at the next bunk, and then two bunks over, until guys were shouting jokes to each other about Gargonzola’s dick from across the squad bay.
Right across from me was a group of 7 Marines standing around talking about the big fuckin dick. Some guys were laying on the top bunks, some were sitting on on the bottom bunks, and the rest were standing around listening and laughing. I won't bother naming who was speaking, just assume each quote is being yelled by a different Marine.
I saw one Marine searching through his locker to find something of comparable size to Gargonzola’s dick, he couldn’t find anything, so he just pulled out his rifle and hung it between his legs, showing a group of Marines. “It was seriously this fucking big bro, I’m not joking”
“NO way dude. Your full of shit”
“No he’s not kidding bro, go see for yourself”
“Yeah I wanna see it too, Im not buyin this”
“Yeah seriously bro Gargonzola is like 50 pounds how fucking big could his dick be?”
Three of these Marines walked into the showers, then came back into the squad bay with looks on their faces like they had just seen the most ginormous dick in the whole world.
All the other Marines who had already seen it took notice of the looks their faces. They laughed and said “See I told you dude, that shit is real”
“Oh my God I feel like such a fucking faggot right now. I just wanna stare at it”
Everyone laughed.
“Please don’t tell my dad!” More laughter.
“Do you think it’d be weird if I took a picture?”
The responses “YES” “Kinda” and “That should be chill” were yelled at the same time.
A few more Marines who hadn’t seen it ran to the bathroom to take a look.
They came back into the squad bay with “O” faces and laughter.
“Dude if Ganzano isn’t doing porn on the side he’s fuckin WRONG”
“True that”
“What kind of fucking slut could take that thing anyways? If a chick could fit that in her pussy she’s a fucking whore”
“Oh my God, lets all watch Gargonzola fuck a hooker when we get to Thailand. It’ll be way more classic than a donkey show”
“Fuck yeah, Im down”
“Fuck that dude lets all pitch in and line up like 10 hookers and watch him plow all of them!”
“We can make a competition out of it!”
“The girl who stays the most quiet while taking it wins!”
“YEAH THAT’S SICK!”
“Oooo, what does she get if she can take it in the ass?”
“A hospital visit and stitches,” Lots of laughter followed that one.
“Well its final dude, Gargonzola is our new sex slave”
Head nods and serious agreement followed.
Finally Nick came back from the bathroom looking for me. I was excited to talk to him because I wanted him to know what his face looked like.
Nick stood in front of me and looked at me with big eyes and the beginning of a smirk. He didn’t say anything for about 10 seconds, the look on his face said “You know exactly what I’m thinking bro”
The big smile on my face said “I know exactly what you’re thinking. Cuz im thinking it too.”
We just looked at each other. Finally he was the first to speak.
“Dude”
“Dude”
“What the fuck was that all about?”
“It was pretty fuckin outstanding huh?”
“Dude Ive never felt gayer in my entire life”
“Yeah I know, I saw the look on your face, I thought you were going to get on your knees and stuff it in your mouth”
“Shut the fuck up dude.” He looked away with shame, then looked back at me, smiled, and said “I probably did huh?”
We both laughed. I said, “I’m just as guilty bro, and I was showering right next to him. I was afraid it was going to get killed with it..”
Right then Gargonzola walked into the squad bay. The whole squad bay began clapping, then cheering, then throwing underwear at him. Gargonzola was very humble about it. I had no doubt this was not the first standing ovation he had ever received for his big fucking dick.
Nick and I clapped and paid proper respect. Nick turned to me and said,
“Well fuck man, that’s the biggest fuckin dick I’ve ever seen in my life, and not to sound gay or anything, but I’ve seen a lot of big dicks. I mean, when you play pro football, the locker room is loaded with Mandingo warriors, but those guys are like, 6’6” and 300 pounds. Gargonzola couldn’t be more than 85 pounds.” He paused for a moment. “I dunno bro, I just couldn’t stop staring. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“There aint shit wrong with you bro, you just saw a really big fuckin dick.”
Big Fucking Dick
I was a brand new Second Lieutenant, training with Lima Company at the famous Mountain Warfare Training Center in Bridgeport, California. Every Infantry unit and spec ops unit in the Department of Defense had to go there before deploying to Afghanistan. The Center was a mecca for anyone who enjoyed training for war, and a big playground for anyone who enjoyed being in the mountains.
We spent the prior two weeks living in the field, learning how to survive in the mountains, how to fight in the mountains, and hiking until our backs and feet begged us to stop. Every training operation, every hike through the mountains, and every night when I got into my sleeping bag under the stars, I was excited like a little kid. All day every day, I smiled knowing that the U.S. gov’t was paying me to go camping, hiking, and play with guns. Well, except for the day I was fired and then rehired, that day sucked, but I’ll save that story for another day.
This story is about the day that every Marine in Lima Company learned that there was an undercover Mandingo midget warrior living amongst us…
First day back in the barracks after 2 weeks in the field….
Two weeks in the field makes a Marine smell the way a Marine was intended to smell, which is the same way a pig smells in its natural habitat. By the time we collapsed at the barracks at the end of our final 10 mile hike, we were all aching to shower the filth off of our bodies.
The first thing we did upon returning from the field was clean our weapons. This was standard. The second thing we did was clean our gear. Standard. The third thing we did was clean our filthy, disgusting bodies.
Weapon, Gear. Self.
Since just about everyone finished cleaning their shit at around the same time, the showers became a crowded place. Guys ran to the showers to soak in hot water for as long as they could. Each squad bay bustled with Marines stripping down to their underwear and flip flops, grabbing their loofas, bars of soap, shampoo bottles, and then running to the showers while laughing about how good it was going to feel.
The comments amongst Marines headed to the showers was hysterical.
Marine 1- “I don’t give a fuck if it’s weird, I’m throwin a beat in the shower. That’s just the way I shower bro.”
Marine 2- “You won’t do it.”
Marine 1- “Watch me mutherfucker”
Marine 3- “Samberg you got my back, right bro?”
Marine 4- “Yeah baby, I’ll get the front too”
Marine 5- “Don’t drop the soap faggots!”
Marine 6- "OOps, I dropped the soap!"
I laughed with another Lieutenant as I waited for some of the commotion to die down before I took my shower.
When I finally walked into the bathroom I felt the steam and humidity shower me before I ever got under the water. The entire bathroom might as well have been a steam room.
I put my towel and my fresh pair of underwear down on the bench just outside the showers as I waited for one of the showers to open up. I kept my eyes on the ground, just to make sure things didn’t get weird, it didn’t work.
Had it been a shower full of Lieutenants, I would have been cracking jokes and smacking asses, because I was, and still am, an adolescent boy. But since I was being paid by the US government to pretend like I was an Officer and a gentleman, I had no business doing my typical childish shit around the enlisted Marines. So I kept my head down and avoided any sort of interaction with every one of the 16 other Marines in the showers.
A few minutes later a Marine left the showers and one of the shower heads opened up. My eyes left the ground and searched for the open shower head. On the way from the ground to the shower, my eyes passed something out of the ordinary, but I couldn’t identify it. As I began walking towards the open shower head my eyes went from the showerhead, back down to the general area of the thing that had caught my eye. I searched for a moment, then locked onto it and didn’t move my gaze for a full 2 seconds. Right at the end of the first second I realized what had caught my eye. It was the biggest fucking dick I had ever seen in my life, and I’ve watched a lot of hardcore porn. Making this sight more extraordinary, was the Marine that the dick belonged to, Gargonzola. He was the tiniest Marine in the entire Battalion, and possibly the entire Marine Corps. He was barely 5 feet tall, and could not have been more than 95 pounds sopping wet, with 15 of those pounds belonging to his big fucking dick.
I felt genuinely afraid for my own safety being in the same room with his anaconda cock. The worst part was that Gargonzola and his big fucking dick were using the shower right next to the open shower that I was walking towards. I forced my eyes to the ground in a terrible state of confusion and despair as I walked to the shower head. My eyes didn’t come off the ground until I almost bumped into another Marine who was leaving the showers. I looked up for a quick second to make sure I didn’t make any unnecessary shower contact, and was punched in the eye by the sight of the giant one eyed snake.
This thing was about as wide as my wrist and so long it hung to his knees. It looked the size of a 750 ml bottle of vodka.
I lost control of my jaw and it fell open so quickly it almost dislocated. I felt like I was in a trance for a quick second. As soon as I woke up from my trance I immediately looked away and shut my eyes, wishing I didn’t see it. I tried to put it out of mind, but the image of his big fucking dick was burned into my retina and would not go away. I squeezed my eyes harder hoping I could kill the image. No dice. I was both weakened and inspired. Mesmerized and confused. Intrigued and disgusted.
It was fucking weird.
I got to my shower head and turned my back on the giant penis, hoping to never see it again. I looked down at my dick and never felt so insecure in my entire life. It was warm in the showers so the heat and steam had my dick hanging pretty low and looking pretty full, but next to that Clydesdale horse cock, it looked like a newborn baby dick.
I scrubbed my hair extra hard, out of pure frustration with my genetic misfortune and whimpered to myself. I opened my eyes again and noticed that every other Marine in the shower looked exactly like I did at that moment. They were all sneaking peaks at the giant dick every few seconds. All the guys would slowly turn their heads in the direction of the giant penis, they’d turn their bodies to make it less obvious, they would make eye contact with the penis, their eyebrows would raise, and they would turn around quickly with a look of shame, anger, and disappointment. I swore I wouldn’t be like them. I was a straight man, an Officer, and a gentleman. There was no way in hell I was going to intentionally look at another man’s dick in the shower. I started thinking about football, but I looked down the field and the goalpost was a penis. I started thinking about surfing, but my surfboard was in the shape of a penis. I started thinking about combat, but then Gargonzola’s dick turned into a machine gun and started mowing down Taliban. At this point I felt like the biggest fucking homo in the world, and I started to question all of my own thoughts. I considered taking another look at it, just to be SURE I wasn’t imagining things. Then I thought “No, that’s too gay. I’m not gonna purposely check out another guys dick. No.”
But then something came over me; I felt myself turning around slowly, and I couldn’t stop. I lost control of my head, and I felt it moving in the direction of the giant penis. I tried to fight it, but my body just kept on moving. I finally gave in and allowed myself a quick look, and justified it by telling myself “Just one, quick, not-gay-look to make sure its real”
I looked down and made direct eye contact with the monster cock.
I cried a little, then I knew I had to get the fuck outta there.
I scrubbed my hair harder and faster in an attempt to get out as soon as possible. I was turned around, facing the bench that my towel and underwear were on. I saw my buddy Nick Garret walk by the bench as he was looking for an open shower. I looked right at him, hoping he would see the huge dick so I could see his gay reaction, and ultimately feel less gay. He looked to his left, which was in my direction, he glanced around at the shower heads to see if any of them were open. As his eyes went from the shower heads back down to the floor, something caught his eye. His face expressed confusion for a second as his eyes searched for something that didn’t seem right. His eyes locked on to that something, and his lower jaw fell 6 feet and broke on the bathroom tile. His lips shifted into an “O” face and his eyes opened so wide I thought they were going to pop out of his head. He froze, towel in hand, for a good 4 seconds. The look on his face was like Indiana Jones finding the holy grail.
He broke out of his trance and looked away, his body language and his face indicated that he was very ashamed of himself. I couldn’t wait to talk to him.
I got out of the shower and walked back to my rack, which was at the back of the squad bay. As I walked down the middle isle of the squad bay, it seemed as if every single Marine in there was talking about Gargonzola’s big fucking dick. Literally, everyone. From the privates to the Officers. The first thing I heard, after taking two steps into the squad bay was,
“Did you see that fucking thing bro?” followed by, “That shit was fucking phenomenal”
This immediately made me feel less gay. But the conversation didn’t stop there. In my squad bay was Weapons Platoon, which consisted of 13 Machine Gunners, 13 Mortarmen, and 13 Assaultmen who did demolitions and shot the rocket launcher. They were, and usually are, the most colorful and entertaining platoon in a rifle Company. Everything involving them turns into comedy, but this day’s comedy was over the top. The conversation about the huge cock began between bunkmates, then between guys at the next bunk, and then two bunks over, until guys were shouting jokes to each other about Gargonzola’s dick from across the squad bay.
Right across from me was a group of 7 Marines standing around talking about the big fuckin dick. Some guys were laying on the top bunks, some were sitting on on the bottom bunks, and the rest were standing around listening and laughing. I won't bother naming who was speaking, just assume each quote is being yelled by a different Marine.
I saw one Marine searching through his locker to find something of comparable size to Gargonzola’s dick, he couldn’t find anything, so he just pulled out his rifle and hung it between his legs, showing a group of Marines. “It was seriously this fucking big bro, I’m not joking”
“NO way dude. Your full of shit”
“No he’s not kidding bro, go see for yourself”
“Yeah I wanna see it too, Im not buyin this”
“Yeah seriously bro Gargonzola is like 50 pounds how fucking big could his dick be?”
Three of these Marines walked into the showers, then came back into the squad bay with looks on their faces like they had just seen the most ginormous dick in the whole world.
All the other Marines who had already seen it took notice of the looks their faces. They laughed and said “See I told you dude, that shit is real”
“Oh my God I feel like such a fucking faggot right now. I just wanna stare at it”
Everyone laughed.
“Please don’t tell my dad!” More laughter.
“Do you think it’d be weird if I took a picture?”
The responses “YES” “Kinda” and “That should be chill” were yelled at the same time.
A few more Marines who hadn’t seen it ran to the bathroom to take a look.
They came back into the squad bay with “O” faces and laughter.
“Dude if Ganzano isn’t doing porn on the side he’s fuckin WRONG”
“True that”
“What kind of fucking slut could take that thing anyways? If a chick could fit that in her pussy she’s a fucking whore”
“Oh my God, lets all watch Gargonzola fuck a hooker when we get to Thailand. It’ll be way more classic than a donkey show”
“Fuck yeah, Im down”
“Fuck that dude lets all pitch in and line up like 10 hookers and watch him plow all of them!”
“We can make a competition out of it!”
“The girl who stays the most quiet while taking it wins!”
“YEAH THAT’S SICK!”
“Oooo, what does she get if she can take it in the ass?”
“A hospital visit and stitches,” Lots of laughter followed that one.
“Well its final dude, Gargonzola is our new sex slave”
Head nods and serious agreement followed.
Finally Nick came back from the bathroom looking for me. I was excited to talk to him because I wanted him to know what his face looked like.
Nick stood in front of me and looked at me with big eyes and the beginning of a smirk. He didn’t say anything for about 10 seconds, the look on his face said “You know exactly what I’m thinking bro”
The big smile on my face said “I know exactly what you’re thinking. Cuz im thinking it too.”
We just looked at each other. Finally he was the first to speak.
“Dude”
“Dude”
“What the fuck was that all about?”
“It was pretty fuckin outstanding huh?”
“Dude Ive never felt gayer in my entire life”
“Yeah I know, I saw the look on your face, I thought you were going to get on your knees and stuff it in your mouth”
“Shut the fuck up dude.” He looked away with shame, then looked back at me, smiled, and said “I probably did huh?”
We both laughed. I said, “I’m just as guilty bro, and I was showering right next to him. I was afraid it was going to get killed with it..”
Right then Gargonzola walked into the squad bay. The whole squad bay began clapping, then cheering, then throwing underwear at him. Gargonzola was very humble about it. I had no doubt this was not the first standing ovation he had ever received for his big fucking dick.
Nick and I clapped and paid proper respect. Nick turned to me and said,
“Well fuck man, that’s the biggest fuckin dick I’ve ever seen in my life, and not to sound gay or anything, but I’ve seen a lot of big dicks. I mean, when you play pro football, the locker room is loaded with Mandingo warriors, but those guys are like, 6’6” and 300 pounds. Gargonzola couldn’t be more than 85 pounds.” He paused for a moment. “I dunno bro, I just couldn’t stop staring. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“There aint shit wrong with you bro, you just saw a really big fuckin dick.”